At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize