i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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