Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
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Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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