he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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