Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
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I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
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And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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