Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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