Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
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Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
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