he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
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Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
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Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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