I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
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