He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I need a burrito and a hug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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