And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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