Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
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i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
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If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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