How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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