I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
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If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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