I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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