I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
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I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
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there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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