he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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