We won't sleep together?
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize