peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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