i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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