How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
he puts the penis in happiness.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
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Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
false alarm, still single
Never joke about your clitoris.
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