I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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