Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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