So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
My life is pants optional.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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