i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
The adults are the big ones right?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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