it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
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