cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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