I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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