Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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