Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
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Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
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I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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