i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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