im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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