She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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