Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
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Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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