He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
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Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
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You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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