dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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