Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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