So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
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