I wanna bring you to show and tell
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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