I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
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Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
even my farts smell like vagina
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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