i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize