your parents love me but you hate me
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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