He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
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sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
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I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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