Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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