i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
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Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
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Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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