So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
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I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
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Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
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