dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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