I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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