I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize