so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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